you can't make this shit up: my past 2 weekends (part 2)

i'm really into prefacing things, so listen: I AM A NICE PERSON! i know, my writing on this forum makes me come off as a dick, but i'm not. i'm a genuinely nice person. this is a story about the one time i was a mean person... enjoy.

It all begins on friday. I had a prospective student with me, so i brought her to a 21st birthday i was obligated to attend, and she got real drunk. then i put her to bed, and went out again. my neighbor from 2 doors down had a friend from mount holyoke (sweeeeeet!!!) staying with her, and this girl was real hot. for the sake of the story we'll call my neighbor mary and this girl "moho girl." so me and my friend, we'll call him bigbird, decided one of us should be hooking up with moho girl. it was true, one of us should have been.

now i have to make clear the fact that these girls grew up together on an island. they've been "besties" for a long-ass time. "moho girl" was also good friends with mary's cousin. when i say good friends, i mean good friends, not "good friends." (the latter implies her touching his penis, which she was not.) because of this, the three of them did a lot of talking to eachother. however, moho girl came from mount holyoke, which is an all girls college. because of this, she flirts with EVERY GUY she meets, including myself and bigbird. so imagine the situation: me and bigbird are drunk and want to hook up with this girl. she's flirting with us, but she also spends time talking to mary and mary's cousin. so me and bigbird interpereted this to mean that she wanted us, but mary was cockblocking and trying to set her up with her cousin. lame sauce, extra spicy. eventually we gave up, and went to the AD fraternity house, and drank the punch. i went home quite unsatisfied, and passed out in the hall. next thing i know, i'm being woken up by moho girl, and she's telling me to go to bed. "but there's a prospy in my bed!" i reply. she tells me to get in her bed. SHWING!!! i go into her room, and proceed to climb into her bed. she asks me what i'm doing in all those clothes. AWESOME!!! i tell her i'm going to sleep. lame answer. she asks how i normally sleep. in my boxers, i reply. she then takes off my pants and shirt. get in bed, i'll be right back. i get in bed and immediately pass out. the next mornign around 8 she climbs into bed, waking me up. she went to check on bigbird who was just as wasted as i was, and passed out on his floor. great night for everyone.

***THE NEXT NIGHT***

we're up at the DKE frat area drinking. i'm double fisting all night. it's great, a night of dancing and hoorays. the last i remember of it, i'm walking down the hall in search of more beer. the next day, i hear mary and moho girl and nicely say hi to them. "oh, so today you like me!" mary angrilly replies. i was confused so i asked what she meant. she then told me what i had done the night before. here's a brief run down. I went into the other room to get more beer, and apperently i found it. then, she said, i saw them on my way back to the party. I accused mary of cockblocking, and screamed at her to allow poor moho girl to make her own decisions (she was standing right there). we all left the party together, and i continued to yell at mary the entire way home. i had my arm over moho girl's sholders and was still yelling things like "I DON'T GET WHY MARY HATES ME!!!" and "HEY MARY, EVERYONE THNKS IT'S FUCKED UP HOW YOU'RE COCKBLOCKING ME AND BIGBIRD!" etc. i then, in my drunkenness, accidentally ran moho girl into a lamp post, and she used the opertunity, as anyone else would, to run back to her friend, who then rubbed it in my face. then i peed on a church. after that, I passed out on bigbird's floor watching his roommates grey's anatomy. (I FUCKING HATE THAT SHOW)!!! i was put to bed by a girl on my hall. apperently i was mumbling about zach braff. good job O'Neill, good fucking job.