you can't make this shit up: my past 2 weekends (part 4)

the last night of a 4 day weekend. half the student body is gone, and the campus is empty. the big question of the night: where do we party? justin had the answer. we were to play beerpong at the house of his friend from home. they were having the birthday party for a brand new 21 year old. i get there and i see a shit show. theres drunk field hockey girls, and drunk improv actors. one field hockey girl is so drunk she can hardly stand, and they're trying to get her to stop drinking. i saved the day by playing a game called throw bread into my mouth. the rules were simple. she'd throw bread at me, and i'd catch it in my mouth. then she laugh histerically and tell her friend how hot she thought i was. finally she decided to go home... so she gets on a bike. that was a bad idea. then, like 6 of us had to wrestle her off this bike before she killed herself or one of us. she went upstairs, passed out, and peed the bed. gross.

so anyway, she was out of commission, and i wanted to get drunk, so i went over to be table. "WANA BE MY BEERPONG PARTNER?" another girl, we'll call her jane, yelled drunkenly into my face. did i ever. we got up and started winning. then i got a call from beatrice from the previous post. where are you? at the ackland houses. cool, if i walk buy will you invite me in? yeah sure, whatever. we kept playing. so beatrice and my 2 hallmates come over. and i get those girls in. it's starting to get late, but we're invited into another house to smoke hookah. it sounds like a good time. jane and i have been barely holding on to the table, and it's come down to one cup three times now, so we're drunk. she's sloppy. we start smoking hookah and this girl becomes obsessed with passing the smoke from mouth to mouth. the trouble was, that she kept slipping me toung while we were doig this. it was real gross.

all of a sudden, theres a knock at the door. uh oh. security's here because it's 5:30 am and we're loud as fuck. this is where the comedy starts. he says "I'm here for a noise complaint, but i can see the pipe, and i'm gonna need to check it out" yes sir, says juan, the owner of the house. (his name wasn't actually juan, but it was a hispanic name. he was hispanic. remember this.) anyway, "yes sir," says juan, "let me take it out to you." good call juan, there's a shit ton of drunk under-agers in this house. the security guard takes one look at the hookah and is immediately sketched out. juan takes off the coal so that the security man can take a look at the tobacco and make sure that's all it is. "what's that do?" he asks. ignorant ohio fuck. "well it's very hot so it ignites the tobacco and turns it into smoke and pulls it down throught the water so it's smooth and enjoyable" juan says. the security man sees the tobacco, acknowledges it at such, and not weed, but is still confused as to why we are using a hookah. "you know you're not allowed to use bubblers, does housing know about this?" he asks. "....yeeeaaahh?" is the responce juan offers. the security guard believes him. that's amazing. then a lightbulb goes off in security man's head. he's figured out why we'd be smoking hookah and not just cigarettes. he then, with a straight face, asks juan (remember, he's hispanic) "Wait! are you guys jewish?" everyone in the house bursts out laughing. "yes sir, thats right." he responds, as he shoots us a confused look. "so it's a cultural thing!" the security man declares. he tells us to go home, and we do. I more than "go home." i fucking bust ass out of there, because by now jane, or whatever it is i'm calling her, has her hand on my balls. so i grab my boy justin, and beatrice and my hallmate, and we go home. i have a prospy in my bed, so i crash in my hallmates room and spend the next 40 minutes making out to the sound of justin snoring at probably a 4000 decibel level. what a night.